The Counseling and Psychotherapy Practice of Kate Sanner, acsw, lcsw-c

In Part One of this series, Midlife – or Middle Adulthood – was described as a normal developmental life stage and that it can be defined by the developmental tasks that are associated with it rather than just by chronological age. The post further went on to describe the developmental tasks of midlife as:  

• continuing to work creatively and productively on the career and family one has created in early adulthood
• passing down values and norms to the next generation
• engaging in the world beyond the immediate focus of family and friends and extending out into our communities, the nation and the world 

It went on to say that those who successfully accomplish these developmental tasks will achieve the positive outcome of having a sense of accomplishment and purpose – a sense that they are contributing to the world. The failure to successfully accomplish these tasks will result in the negative outcome of this developmental crisis which is self-absorption or stagnation. 

In this post, the question of “Does there have to be a crisis in midlife?” will be explored. 

As was mentioned in the last post, in the theoretical model of German psychologist/ psychotherapist Erik Erikson, each developmental stage of life – not just midlife – has a crisis to resolve, a developmental challenge with a set of tasks to fulfill. But crisis in the Eriksonian sense has a different meaning than the well-used popular expression “midlife crisis”. The commonly used expression “midlife crisis” connotes feelings of self-doubt, uncertainty, confusion, even anger. It also is used as the explanation for sudden feelings of adventurousness or dissatisfaction with a long-standing relationship or long-held interest. 

Erikson’s use of the word crisis implies a challenge, a conflict that is associated with each stage of life that will either have a positive or negative outcome depending on how well a person navigated the previous stage and the experiences people have interfacing with their environment. Naturally, in adulthood – unlike in most of childhood – the person herself has the power to change her life in a positive way even if external circumstances are negative. 

Midlife does bring you to a crossroads…with one direction leading to regeneration and re-creation of self and the other leading to stagnation or self-absorption.  

At this time of life, you may look back on your life and say to yourself “What I’ve been doing has been great and I want to do more of it” and you pretty much go into midlife with a sense of renewed energy and optimism. Or you may say “What I’ve been doing has been great, but I really want to try something new” and so you may enter into midlife with a sense of adventure and eager to find out what’s next for you. Or you may say “What I’ve been doing never fit and now I am going to do what makes me feel good. It’s my turn” and you may go into midlife with determination and a commitment to live life on your own terms. 

Well, why wouldn’t everyone choose the path of re-creation? What makes us get stuck at the crossroads or start heading down the wrong path? 

Here are some of the factors that can cause discontent, keep us stuck and unable to proceed down the path of regeneration. 

The Previous Stage or Stages of Life Didn’t Go as Well as a Person Needs 

As stated before, how well you navigated and achieved the tasks of your previous developmental stages bears on how successfully you complete the current stage. 

Let’s say that you had a bumpy childhood where your environment did not meet your psychological and emotional needs which led to a somewhat turbulent adolescence. And let’s say you received some guidance from a caring adult and the trajectory of your life was put back on track.  Unfortunately, much of the developmental energy that would have gone into being industrious and forming a well-integrated identity may have been siphoned off into trying to stay out of trouble or trying to find someone to love you just the way you were. Though you were no longer in serious psychological danger, you may have entered rather tentatively into young adulthood – the time of forming significant relationships and starting a career – and this may have impacted your decisions in choosing a life partner or meaningful work. 

The Right Things Didn’t Happen at the Right Time 

You never found the “One” to Love and though you truly wanted to marry and raise a family that may never have happened by midlife and things has left you with some feelings of loneliness or insecurity – a sense of isolation.

You Did All the Right Things but… 

Let’s say you did all the right things. You arrived at young adulthood pretty much intact – as most human beings can be. You studied hard and got into a profession. You thought at the time it was what you wanted to do for the rest of your life. Your father or your mother was in that profession or your parents thought it was the profession that would be right for you. At any rate, you have worked hard but now you aren’t so sure you still belong here. 

Or you were raised to believe that your work defined you and you worked so hard to the detriment of your personal life (health and well-being) and your family life. You may have arrived at midlife feeling worn out. 

Or if you are a woman now in older midlife, you may have settled into a traditional occupation that may have been one of the few options you saw as possible. Or you had to stop and start your career so many times for your children’s sake that your career advancement never really happened. 

Or, as a woman, you were so busy raising your family and caring for others, you lost track of YOU. 

No matter what is keeping you stuck from moving successfully into this very rich and exciting stage of life, there are things you can do to get unstuck and move successfully down the path of re-creation…which will be the focus of Part Three of this series. 

Kate Sanner

(c) 2010

Just what is midlife? Many people define midlife by chronological age – some say it starts at 35 and ends at 50; others say 40-60 and still others 45-65. But age alone does not accurately portray the definition of midlife.  Midlife – or Middle Adulthood – is a normal developmental life stage, and as with all stages of human development from infancy through old age, it can be defined by the developmental tasks that are associated with it rather than just chronological age.

It’s funny…when you search online for a definition of midlife what you get are a lot of negative connotations associated with it; for example, you may immediately find the term midlife crisis thrown in there. Does there always have to be a crisis in midlife? I’ll examine this issue of “midlife crisis” later in the series. But a short answer to this question is “No” and I think we do this rich stage of life a disservice when we portray only the downside of it.

Here is where focusing on the developmental tasks of midlife is really helpful; these tasks allow us to see the positive as well as the negative side of midlife. As a student of human development, I especially like to look at the work of Erik Erikson, a German psychologist/ psychotherapist whose work spanned many decades of the 20th century.  He divided life into eight stages that extended from birth to death.

His theory was revolutionary as most developmental theories up to that point only covered childhood.  Psychological-Social (psychosocial) development continues throughout the life span and is not only specific to childhood.

Each stage of life, Erikson theorized, has a crisis associated with it and the crisis would either result in a positive outcome or in a negative one.

For example, the developmental crisis of Infancy is Trust vs. Mistrust. If an infant’s physical and emotional needs are met sufficiently, the infant successfully experiences the positive outcome of this crisis – the ability to trust others.   The infant becomes a securely attached toddler and enters the next developmental crisis of Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt having a solid foundation.

The negative outcome of this stage was sadly experienced on a significant scale in the 1990′s when the stories of the developmental deficits of Romanian adoptees hit the media. Most of these children were warehoused in orphanages and never received the nurturing and the interaction from their caretakers that all babies need in order for their brains to develop. The damage caused by never achieving trust in their caretakers and their environment was permanent and resulted in attachment, learning and behavioral problems to name just a few.

Each developmental stage scaffolds on the previous one and one’s success in later stages really depends on how well the previous stage was navigated.

Erikson delineated five distinct stages and crises of childhood: Infancy (Trust vs. Mistrust), Early Childhood (Trust vs. Mistrust), Preschool (Initiative vs. Guilt), School Age (Industry vs. Inferiority) and Adolescence (Identity vs. Role Confusion). He divided the stages of adulthood into Young Adulthood (Intimacy vs. Isolation), Middle Adulthood (Generativity vs. Stagnation) and Older Adulthood (Ego Integrity vs. Despair).

I will get into more specifics about midlife in Part Two of this series of posts but first let me lay the groundwork for the developmental tasks associated with the three stages of adult life.

In Young Adulthood, the challenge or crisis is to find and create significant and meaningful relationships. It is the time of finding a spouse or life partner, creating a family and developing friendships. As a result of doing so, a person achieves intimacy, the positive outcome of this stage. If a person doesn’t develop these relationships, the negative outcome is isolation.

In Middle Adulthood, the developmental task is to continue to work creatively and productively on the career and family one has created. During this time, we pass along values and norms to the next generation. Our focus begins to grow beyond the immediate focus of family and friends and extends out into our communities, the nation and the world. Meaningful work is very important in this stage of life. Those who successfully navigate these developmental tasks will achieve a sense of accomplishment and purpose. Erikson referred to the positive outcome as generativity – a sense that we are contributing to the world. The failure to successfully accomplish these tasks will result in the negative outcome of this developmental crisis which is self-absorption or stagnation.

Older Adulthood is focused on reflecting back on life. If we can look back on our lives and appreciate our accomplishments and our contributions, feel a sense of satisfaction and few regrets, then we will achieve a positive outcome of this stage’s developmental crisis – what Erikson called ego integrity – a sense of wholeness and completeness. If we feel our lives have no meaning, or our lives have been wasted and therefore we have many regrets, we will experience the negative outcome of this developmental crisis which is despair.

Midlife is a rich stage of life that has more to do with growth and possibilities rather than reaching a certain age and having a crisis. Part Two of this three-part series will focus on the crossroads of midlife and successfully and satisfyingly navigating beyond them.

Kate Sanner, ACSW, LCSW-C

(c)2010