When their children are referred for neuropsychological assessment, parents may not always be clear about what it is or why their child may need it.

Kate Sanner, ACSW, LCSW-C  interviews Dr. Vincent Culotta, President of Neurobehavioral Associates(http://nbatests.com),  who gives a thorough explanation of neuropsychological assessment, why parents would pursue this assessment for their children, which specific problems or diagnoses this type of assessment adresses and the different kind of tests that are commonly used.  He also gives an overview of the neuropsychological assessment process, explaining what parents and children can expect.

In addition, Dr. Culotta expertly addresses the concern that many parents have regarding not wanting their children to be labeled.

I recently attended a training by Dr. James A. Fogarty (Ed.D.) entitled “Overindulged Children and the Adults They Become”.

Dr. Fogarty gives two definitions to overindulgence:

1. “The first definition requires access to finances via wealth or false-wealth (credit card debt). Parents give to their children which is a replacement for mentoring to children. Their severe overindulgences are a replacement for parenting.”

2.  ”The second definition requires no finances.  Parents, without wealth or false wealth, give their children too much permission too soon. Therefore, their children are not prepared to manage life, as the complications of life come too soon.”

In his powerful book, “Over-Indulged Children: A Parent’s Guide to Mentoring”, Dr. Fogarty expertly describes how to love your children right, fight your overindulging tendencies and coach your children to happy, healthy independence.

Kate Sanner, ACSW, LCSW-C

A. I don’t think you are going to like my answer. But I hope you will hear me out. Saying that someone or something is annoying (or any negative quality) is something I hear pretty frequently from my counseling clients and often in the population at large. The truth is these kinds of statements are not empowering and keep us at the effect of people and circumstances in our lives. I don’t want you to stay stuck in this kind of thinking. Here are some important principles to help empower you around this subject:

1. The stimulus is always neutral – Like it or not, the only meaning that something has is the one that you ascribe to it. Several people can look at the same event or the same person and have completely different reactions to it or to that person. Ask your brother-in-law’s friends what they think of him, they will tell you something different – they probably like him and like spending time with him. They may say “Sure, he talks a lot, but that’s just how he is.”  Most people’s personalities are multi-faceted…you are just zeroing in one facet of his personality that you are labeling annoying.

2. You are responsible for your feelings – Putting others in the driver’s seat of your emotions causes stress, frustration and discontent. People who seek advice about this kind of problem are usually the ones dealing with the frustration, upset and discomfort…not the person who is described as having the problem. It’s your brain’s neuropeptides that are being effected…not that person’s. Why give someone power over your feelings? No one can make you feel any way unless you give them the right to do so. Accept the responsibility that YOU feel this way…then you can do something about the feeling. You can’t do something about the person.

3. The confirmation of others doesn’t necessarily prove your belief is true – Yes, it’s true…you could line up twenty of your friends and they would tell you that you are right…your brother-in-law is a jerk. But remember this: a) they have heard a lot about him from you and have already formed an opinion of him; they like/love you so will more than likely be on your side – it’s human nature; and b) we generally pick friends who are like us and have similar interests – more than likely they will agree with you because they probably share your interests and values…otherwise why would you be friends with them. Remember, your brother-in-law and his friends may have a negative opinion about you and your friends…who is right?

Your judgments negatively effect your well-being.  Putting yourself in the driver’s seat of your emotions is one of the valuable steps you can take to empower your life.

Kate Sanner, ACSW, LCSW-C

Is Play Therapy Appropriate for Every Child?

• Play itself is always appropriate and necessary for a child – it can serve in many capacities when working with a child of any age; however:

• Play Therapy best serves children between 2 ½ and 7 years old

Why these ages?

• We see the beginning of symbolic play beginning at 20 months.

• At this age child can, for example, take a toy baby bottle and put it into the mouth of a toy baby doll.

• Fantasy play begins to come into full bloom around 3 ½ and children become extremely imaginative (can pretend to be a monster and then scare themselves with it).  The play of the fifth and sixth years is thematically rich, organized and complex.

• Around 7 years old, repression and defense mechanisms begin to emerge.  Prior to this, feelings come out in the child’s behavior (what you see is what you get).  After 7, children begin to repress and defend against negative feelings by using defense mechanisms (e.g., somatization, undoing, projective identification).

• After 7, children are not as invested in fantasy play and enter into the world of competitive and cooperative play with peers.

What Diagnoses Are Best Treated by Play Therapy?

• Play therapy is the best choice to treat children who have adjustment disorders, are anxious or depressed as a result of stressors, are experiencing grief reactions or have had trauma.

“…because of play therapy’s innate power to facilitate self-expression (communication, catharsis, abreaction) and mastery and encourage growth and development, as well as its potential to produce feelings of well-being, it is particularly helpful to maltreated children.  In particular, since most abused and traumatized children traditionally have difficulty verbalizing their victimization experiences, play therapy is often an ideal approach:  It is low risk, familiar, and does not rely on language skills.” Eliana Gil, The Healing Power of Play:  Working with Abused Children, 1991, Guilford Press, New York.

Is Play Therapy Effective with other Diagnoses?

• Play therapy is not the medium to best address ADHD, Mood Disorders, OCD, Phobias, Tic Disorders, etc.  But, play can be used in a session with these children as a reinforcer, a release from the work of cognitive behavioral therapy, or to shore up any of the material worked on in talk therapy (e.g., playing a highly competitive game, modeling, encouraging the shy child to take risks and step out of comfort zone).

Kate Sanner, ACSW, LCSW-C

One of these methods is play therapy.

The Association for Play Therapy (APT)  defines play therapy as  ’the systematic use of a theoretical model to establish an interpersonal process wherein trained play therapists use the therapeutic powers of play to help clients prevent or resolve psychosocial difficulties and achieve optimal growth and development’.”

Play is the natural expression of children and helps the child to:

• develop and mature
• learn to express him/herself
• practice and learn social roles
• learn to relate

Play in therapy serves to:

• build rapport
• build a relationship between child and therapist
• help child to learn to trust in the therapist
• help therapist assess and diagnose
• help child express conflicts
• allow therapist to detect themes
• help child heal, resolve conflicts, build skills and develop

In the next post, I’ll discuss if play therapy is right for every child and what diagnoses are best treated by play therapy.

Kate Sanner, ACSW, LCSW-C

Playground Politics:  Understanding the Emotional Life of Your School-Age Child by Stanley I. Greenspan, MD with Jacqueline Salmon is a classic and remains on my list of must reads for parents.

No one understands and explains the social and emotional development of children better than Dr. Greenspan, one of the country’s preeminent child development authorities.  This book truly is a road map to the stages of normal development during the years from 5 through 12.

In addition to explaining each stage of a child’s life in depth, Dr. Greenspan also discusses:

• The Principles of Supporting Emotional Development
• Aggression, Competition and Rivalry
• Self-Esteem and Peer Relations
• The Foundations of Learning
• Learning Challenges
• Balancing Fantasy and Reality
• Sexuality and Puberty, and
• The Five Principles of Healthy Parenting

This is a book that will help parents understand the hearts and minds of children and enable them to give even more support and nurturance at every stage of a child’s development.

Kate Sanner, ACSW, LCSW-C

(c)2010

• Do You Feel that Life Is Passing You by?
• Do You Look in the Mirror and Wonder Who You Are and What Happened to the Woman You Once Were?
• Do You Feel You No Longer Know What You Want?
• Do You Feel You Are Always Taking Care of Someone?
• Are You Always Last on the List When It Comes to Having Time for You and Taking Care of Yourself?
• Do You Feel Stress Most of the Time?
• Are You Unhappy in Your Job?
• Do You Feel Confused as to What Is Next for Your Life?
• Have Your Forgotten What You Used to Dream of?
• Do You Think: “There’s Just Has to Be More!”?

If so…

Are You Ready For A Change?

Introducing a Group for Midlife Women in Transition

Meeting one Wednesday evening per month from 7 PM – 9:30 PM in Columbia.

This is coaching group where you will reconnect with your dreams and your passions AND set goals for yourself to move forward in your life.

Group led by Kate Sanner (ACSW, LCSW-C), Psychotherapist and Founder of Vivacity.

Call Kate at 443-794-4598 or email her at k_sanner@msn.com to register or for more information.  Cost of group – $30.00 per session

The crossroads I wrote about are based on the work of Erik Erikson and his theory of psychosocial development throughout the life cycle. You can either take the path to: 

• Re-Creation and Regeneration – where you consciously look back and evaluate where you have been and make a decision from this place on how you are going to create your life from this point forward. 

or… 

• Stagnation or Self-Absorption. Life can be ‘Same-Old, Same-Old” all the way to the grave or you can try and spend your time trying to recapture lost youth rather than expanding outward  

In this article – the last of the series – I’ll examine the ways to get unstuck so as to avoid the negative resolution of this stage. 

If you are finding yourself stuck, uncertain or confused or are experiencing some of the feelings that are associated with the negative resolution of this stage such as listlessness, boredom, anger or trying to hang on to the trappings of youth; here are some things to consider: 

First of all, please know that in times of crisis or challenge you are most open to change. If the going is tough right now, just know that the potential for growth is also available. 

Many times we go seeking answers outside of ourselves for the solution to our confusion. Know that all the answers are inside of you.  

That being said, you may need a coach to help you uncover the answers; his or her objectivity can help you see things in yourself that you are unaware of. Caveat: A good coach is a guide to help you discover the answers that are inside you – he or she is not there to give you the answers.  

If you are experiencing depression or anxiety that is seriously impacting your life, consult with a licensed psychotherapist. 

Get to know yourself in depth. There are reliable and informative instruments available that will help you assess and understand yourself in the domains of: affect (personality, preferences, motivation and character strengths), conation (how you instinctively take action, your striving instincts) and cognition (aptitudes and skills). These are especially important if you want to make a career change. 

Begin to question your self-limiting beliefs. Where did these beliefs come from? Who said you couldn’t, shouldn’t, would never…? Ask yourself what is the purpose of holding on to that belief at this stage of your life. Once you begin getting answers, take steps to release them. Mentally or symbolically let each one go. 

Remain open to new ideas and new possibilities. Don’t dismiss any ideas you get as silly or beyond you …you thought them…so the way to realize them also exists at the same time. 

Accept that you cannot know or do it all. Ask for guidance. Ask for help. Read. Learn. Study. But, remember, keep questioning.

Stay away from negative people. People who themselves are unfulfilled will always try to throw cold water on your dreams. And as a corollary – be careful with whom you spend a lot of your time. Even people who love you and care for you can often be the ones who hold us back the most. The reason may a loving and caring one but their worries and fears for you are really their own. When they share them with you, you run the risk of making them our own. 

And lastly, this time of growth and change can increase your vulnerability, so be patient with yourself and practice self-care.

Kate Sanner

(c) 2010