In Parts One and Two of this series, I wrote that Midife or Middle Adulthood is more about the developmental tasks associated with it, not about the age. You are supposed to be at the crossroads but you do not necessarily have to be in crisis.
The crossroads I wrote about are based on the work of Erik Erikson and his theory of psychosocial development throughout the life cycle. You can either take the path to:
Re-Creation and Regeneration – where you consciously look back and evaluate where you have been and make a decision from this place on how you are going to create your life from this point forward.
or…
Stagnation or Self-Absorption. Life can be ‘Same-Old, Same-Old” all the way to the grave or you can try and spend your time trying to recapture lost youth rather than expanding outward
In this article – the last of the series – I’ll examine the ways to get unstuck so as to avoid the negative resolution of this stage.
If you are finding yourself stuck, uncertain or confused or are experiencing some of the feelings that are associated with the negative resolution of this stage such as listlessness, boredom, anger or trying to hang on to the trappings of youth; here are some things to consider:
First of all, please know that in times of crisis or challenge you are most open to change. If the going is tough right now, just know that the potential for growth is also available.
Many times we go seeking answers outside of ourselves for the solution to our confusion. Know that all the answers are inside of you.
That being said, you may need a coach to help you uncover the answers; his or her objectivity can help you see things in yourself that you are unaware of. Caveat: A good coach is a guide to help you discover the answers that are inside you – he or she is not there to give you the answers.
If you are experiencing depression or anxiety that is seriously impacting your life, consult with a licensed psychotherapist.
Get to know yourself in depth. There are reliable and informative instruments available that will help you assess and understand yourself in the domains of: affect (personality, preferences, motivation and character strengths), conation (how you instinctively take action, your striving instincts) and cognition (aptitudes and skills). These are especially important if you want to make a career change.
Begin to question your self-limiting beliefs. Where did these beliefs come from? Who said you couldn’t, shouldn’t, would never…? Ask yourself what is the purpose of holding on to that belief at this stage of your life. Once you begin getting answers, take steps to release them. Mentally or symbolically let each one go.
Remain open to new ideas and new possibilities. Don’t dismiss any ideas you get as silly or beyond you …you thought them…so the way to realize them also exists at the same time.
Accept that you cannot know or do it all. Ask for guidance. Ask for help. Read. Learn. Study. But, remember, keep questioning.
Stay away from negative people. People who themselves are unfulfilled will always try to throw cold water on your dreams. And as a corollary – be careful with whom you spend a lot of your time. Even people who love you and care for you can often be the ones who hold us back the most. The reason may a loving and caring one but their worries and fears for you are really their own. When they share them with you, you run the risk of making them our own.
And lastly, this time of growth and change can increase your vulnerability, so be patient with yourself and practice self-care.
Kate Sanner
(c) 2010
Kate Sanner, ACSW, LCSW-C interviews Dr. Vincent Culotta, President of Neurobehavioral Associates(http://nbatests.com), who gives a thorough explanation of neuropsychological assessment, why parents would pursue this assessment for their children, which specific problems or diagnoses this type of assessment adresses and the different kind of tests that are commonly used. He also gives an overview of the neuropsychological assessment process, explaining what parents and children can expect.
